War and Midnight
by Zentih
Summary: Life is not perfect for the Potters. James decides that he has nothing to lose in the war against Voldemort and hastily signs up to command the army. It's his last chance of escape from Lily.
1. Commander

Disclaimer: Harry Potter. Not mine.

A/N: The kind reader should take into account that this story is AU (alternate universe) and does not follow the regular timeline of events.

SSS

CHAPTER I

Midnight.

Cloudy.

Godric's Hollow.

The residence of Mr. and Mrs. Potter.

James apparated in front of his humble house with a tired expression on his face. The war was not going well. _That's an understatement,_ he thought. _We're losing people left, right and center. _

As the Head of Aurors, it was his duty to track down Dark wizards and witches and stop them from harming anyone, magical or not. The tracking was easy. The Death Eaters _wanted _to be found. They would draw in Aurors from around the country by killing masses of Muggles, a demonstration of their terrible power. Once they had gathered hundreds of Aurors, they would strike the Aurors with a force unexpected. The Death Eaters only sent out ten or twelve to do the killings, but hundreds of them waited in nearby buildings or the sewers. Like a giant tiger they waited for the ultimate prey.

The tracking was easy. Stopping them was hell.

James opened the door soundlessly. He frowned. The door was supposed to be locked. Where was Lily?

The warmth of the house enveloped him as he stepped onto the welcome mat. Closing the door softly behind him, he turned to look if Lily was nearby. Slowly, he drew out his wand from his belt…

The house was lit. The fireplace in the living room to his right was cackling. He lowered his wand, but kept it in his hands, nonetheless. A lit fireplace meant Lily was upstairs.

James collapsed unto the couch in the living room and buried his head into his hands. The burden of his job finally toppled him over. _I'm not doing anything to stop Voldemort. We always run away and never stand our ground! How the bloody hell are we supposed to win this war? _

"Where," a cold voice from behind him spoke, "exactly have you been?"

James had immediately stiffened his grip on his wand. He turned and saw an irate Lily Potter with eyes glinting and hands on her hips.

"How do I know it's you, Lily?"

"Your Animagus is a stag."

"And your father used to play golf on Sundays."

Lily's eyes did not soften nor did she drop her stance. Her mouth was curved in a frown and she began tapping her foot. "Well?" she said in her frigid voice. "Where were you at eight o'clock?"

"At work. Where else would I have been?" replied James in a sarcastic voice. "Majorca?"

"You were supposed to be _here_, O great Auror. Dumbledore wanted to see _us_, as in you and me," said Lily, growing a bit angrier. "He had a job for us."

James closed his eyes. He had enough to worry about at work. Now Dumbledore wanted something as well. It was too much.

"I'm sorry," he said as best as he could, though it was obvious he wasn't. "What did he want?"

Lily jerked her head toward the dining room behind her. "There is a list of confirmed Death Eaters within the Ministry. Dinner's on the table. It's gone cold. Enjoy."

She sighed and went upstairs again, cursing under her breath. James stood up and glared at her back as she marched the stairs. It was clear both of them were too tired for a fight tonight.

SSS

James lay in bed that night, looking at the ceiling and hoping it would swallow him up so that he needn't worry about anymore Death Eaters, Lily, Voldemort, Lily, the Ministry, Lily, life in general, Lily…

Grunting, he turned on his side, pulling the blanket over him. The good thing was that he and Lily never fought over the blanket owing to the fact they never slept together. Lily worked during the night while he during the day. Her footsteps coming into the bedroom was his alarm to get up and go to work.

When had they last slept in the same _room_ together? That was during their honeymoon, of course. They had opted for two beds in the hotel room instead of one, to the confusion of the hotel clerk. But James knew for a fact that they had never slept in the same bed at the same time.

James snorted. If _Witch Weekly_ or some other magazine had found out that Britain's model celebrity couple never slept together, it would cause quite a stir.

As James tried to draw his mind away from such thoughts, a piece of parchment caught his eye. It lay innocently on the bedside drawer, tucked away under _Hogwarts: A History_.

James rolled his eyes. Lily loved that bloody book. The piece of parchment happened to be a memo, of sorts.

It read:

_Supply J.N. with vials + give notes._

_L.B. needs new copies of _Dernstein's Grimoire.

_Remind C.F. and B.C. to push for draft legislation_

James groaned while reading the last line. C.F. was no doubt Cornelius Fudge, a rising star in the ministry and B.C. was a no-brainer. Barty Crouch, the most influential man in the ministry. Lily had too much leverage being the second most powerful Auror, a favorite of Slughorn and being married to the Head of the Aurors.

He grabbed a quill and wrote under the notes:

_Butt out. Legislation's my responsibility. _

Sighing, he closed his eyes and thought of Quidditch.

SSS

Lily and James both had smiles on their faces as they greeted the Ministry men. They kept their smiles while they conferred in the cold, dark dungeon underground, laying out plans. When they discussed darker matters, their faces turned grave, but they tried to keep their frustration out of their faces. They always stood or sat close together, but never did they touch.

The men assembled plans, plans that were folly when put into fulll perspective. Lily tried not to fall asleep, and instead focused on the map in front of her.

"Any suggestions, Mrs. Potter?" asked the old man in the corner.

Smiling, she shook her head. Inside, she nodded. There were a thousand and one ways this plan was going to go wrong, and all of them resulted in dead Aurors and wizards.

"Mr. Potter?"

She looked at him. There was no difference in the way he smiled and shook his head. He looked at her once the men began conferring again. His eyes told her: _We're dead meat._

Once the council dispersed, James and Lily walked in the cold hallway to the stairs that led above. "This plan is as suicidal as deranged teenager on the edge," said James quietly so the men in front of him would not hear.

"Don't be so negative," snapped Lily in return.

"Don't get snappy. You know I'm right," replied James coolly.

"Stop acting like an idiot, James," said Lily through clenched teeth.

One of the men looked back. Both Lily and James grinned fake grins. James said a bit loudly, "Yes, honey, you're right of course."

After the man smiled at them and turned back around, Lily glared. "I hate you," she whispered.

"No love lost between us, then."

SSS

"You're pushing my wizards too hard, Lily!"

"_Your _wizards? They're not possessions! Anyway, they're not doing enough work as it is."

"What else can we do, other than enlist them in the army? They _are_ doing their best, Lily!"

"There are attacks _everyday_, James. _Everyday. _None of them are stopped! Innocent people die because _your _men are not _sufficient enough_!"

"So you're saying I don't train my men hard enough? They don't have enough time! Most of the working crew are eighteen year old boys with nothing to lose and no experience whatsoever! And after going out on a mission _once_, they lose it. They _lose _it, Lily. They're not ready. Not ready for the blood and carnage." James ended in a whisper, falling back into the couch.

Lily, on the other side of the room, fumed. Neither of them needed to do anything else. This was what war did to you.

"If I was Head of the Aurors…." began Lily.

"If you were Head, they'd be no different," said James harshly, "Drop it."

"If you didn't exist, I'd be Head," sneered Lily. James did not look hurt. He'd gotten used to this, after a year or so. Not looking hurt, however, did not mean he wasn't.

"If we'd never wed, I'd have a better life," continued Lily in her quiet voice. She threw him a dirty look, as if to say, _My messed up life is all your fault, you worthless bastard._

She turned and went to the kitchen. James got up and went over to the window, to watch the rain clouds unleash their fury. Lightning flashed and thunder boomed. Over the hazy distance, James could not mistake the Dark Mark in the dark clouds. _How fitting_, thought James.

The newspaper headline on the coffee table read:

OVER A THOUSAND MURDERED IN BRISTOL. DARK MARK STILL LOOMS.

SSS

James turned the letter over. This was too good of an opportunity. Where was the catch?

He sat in his desk, reading the letter over and over. James felt a grin tug at the corners of his mouth. "Tell Barty he's my hero," James said.

Kingsley Shacklebolt and Mad-Eye Moody both straightened up in their seats in surprise. "Are you sure you want to do this?" said an incredulous Kingsley in his deep monster of a voice.

"So damn sure, Kingsley, I'd go there right this instant," replied James.

"Look, James, none of us here want you to go. You're too valuable to lose in this war," protested Moody in his growl.

"Believe it or not, Moody, I'm just a wizard who knows a lot of hexes and curses. I'm nothing special. My wife taught me that," said James, trying to keep the hatred and malice out of his voice. _She taught me that pretty well. Still does. Every single damn day, in fact. I'm a worthless bastard._ "I might die. So what? I'll know that I gave everything I got to those Death Eaters."

Moody sighed. Kingsley saw an opportunity. "Think about your wife. How will she feel about this?"

_She'll love it. _"Kingsley, my wife and I know the dangers of this war. We're willing to do anything we can to stop Voldemort," replied James, leaning forward and resting his elbows on top of his desk, hands on top of one another.

_This gives her that chance to be Head of Aurors, doesn't it? As an added bonus, I won't be in her life anymore. There's even a chance I'll die! This'll definitely make her day._

"Men, sign me up. I'm going to be the commander of the bloody army."

SSS

Review. Please. Should I continue?


	2. Revelations and Beginnings

Disclaimer: Harry Potter. Not mine.

SSS

CHAPTER II

Midnight.

Snowy.

The residence of Mr. and Mrs. Evans.

Four years ago.

Three people, two men and a woman, shrouded in darkness all sat around on the kitchen table. It was a tight fit, the residence of Mr. and Mrs. Evans being a small townhouse, therefore the kitchen and everything in it being a tad small. The curtains on the window looking out into the backyard were closed halfway. All three had tea cups in front of them, waiting to be filled.

"Strange, having tea at three in the morning, eh?" murmured Mr. Evans, taking the kettle and pouring some into the woman's cup.

"You wouldn't have any sherry, by any chance, would you?" said the raspy voice from the woman.

"Sorry, Sibyll, my wife forbids it," answered Mr. Evans, while filling the other man's cup.

They all sat down, looking at their tea cups. None said a word; the man who was not Mr. Evans took a quiet sip. They all listened to steady hum of the refrigerator, while a cold draft entering through the cracks in the window made Sibyll shudder.

Sighing, the man named Mr. Potter said, "What you said last week was indeed _very _troubling, Sibyll. Very…morbid…"

"Yes, and let me tell you: that was just the beginning. Young James and Lily are in for a hell of a lot more," replied Sibyll Trelawney, Seer and lover of sherry. She was not smiling as she said this.

Christopher Evans was completely lost. His daughter was to marry his friend's son in order to produce a child of their own who would eventually do something really important. He was frustrated and bewildered. Mr. Evans was proud that his youngest daughter was a witch, but he had not been one to understand the intricacies of magic. He also had a hard time believing that prophecies were real and were made by the woman sitting in front of him.

Harold Potter, however, was annoyed. Of course he loved his dear cousin, but he had never been one to place much faith in the branch of divination. If this prophecy _was _legitimate, he was sure James would not be happy with the arrangement. But that was not the main focus now. What he had to concentrate now was that Sibyll was not making this up. She loved weaving strange romances with young people.

Trelawney sat with shoulders hunched and rubbed her worn hands on the tea cup. She rocked back and forth slightly, making her seem more of an authentic witch with the strange grin appearing on her face.

Trelawney was positively sure that she had not made this little fore-telling up. She'd seen Hogsmeade burn down to the ground with a skull and snake over the town square. Hogwarts would no longer nurture and educate, but be a sanctuary where no soul had hope anymore. She saw Tom Riddle's face especially, smirking with complete satisfaction.

"I only ask that James and Lily produce a child within five years. They don't even have to get married! Slip some Amortentia into their pumpkin juice! Just make sure…" Trelawney trailed off, with a disturbed look in her eyes. The glasses only magnified the strange look.

Christopher looked uneasily at his good friend sitting next to him with his eyebrows arched upward. Harold looked back and shrugged, signaling that he was just as clueless as Christopher.

"The fate of our world _does _lie with them, you know," muttered Trelawney, taking a large draught from her tea cup, pretending it was cherry.

SSS

The following is an excerpt from an article found in _Witch Weekly_:

_Mrs. Lily Potter, 21, is, undoubtedly, one of Britain's strongest and most popular witches. As Deputy Head Auror, her magical skills are rivaled only by that of Dumbledore and her husband, Mr. James Potter. Her Dark Wizard Count is well over 200. Receiving the highest marks in her N.E.W.Ts and her O.W.Ls, she quickly took the Auror internship over the course of the summer and by the end of the year, she had risen among the ranks of the Aurors. Redhaired, medium height and with gorgeous emerald eyes, many assume she is a sweet, loving young woman. This is not so. She is infamous for her stance while watching her department work. Arms crossed, a faint frown and legs stationed shoulder-width apart, and she never seems to break her emotionless expression._

_When we asked her about this truly unladylike stance, she replied with eyebrows raised. "I must have gotten it from my husband," she says offhandedly. What other miracles does the much sought-after James Potter perform? The only time she smiles is in his presence, she immediately drops her stance when he puts his arms around her, and they never seem to argue. They truly are the perfect couple… (cont. pg. 7)_

SSS

The following is an excerpt from an article in _The Daily Prophet:_

_James Potter, 21, Head of the Auror Department, has just received the award for "Most Hard-Working Wizard in the Ministry" tonight. Mr. Potter had risen quietly from his seat, gotten up to the podium, humbly took the award from the minister and made a quiet speech, thanking all his hard-working colleagues and ending by saying, "Our work is not done." It is believed that James Potter is the most powerful wizard in the Ministry. Not even the minister or Crouch can best James Potter in a duel or any magical contest. His work in the Auror field is widely recognized throughout the world, but he had always stated that, "I'm an Auror because people need Aurors. If they didn't, I'd be a Quidditch star right now." James Potter resides in Godric's Hollow with his wife, the well-known Lily Potter._

SSS

James looked at the list of names. The list was longer than the length of his living room.

As his finger wove through the names, he noted the familiar faces: Black (this could only be Sirius), Lupin (the advantages of having a werewolf were limitless), Pettigrew, Weasley (maybe one of those muggle contraptions could help them out)…

He heard Lily's footsteps coming down from the staircase. James tapped the parchment once with his finger and the parchment quickly dissolved.

Lily didn't know yet.

SSS

Husband and wife both sat at opposite sides of the dinner table. Roast chicken lay in the middle, growing cold not only because it was losing heat to the room, but from the icy stares the wife sent at the chicken.

"I could have made dinner myself, you know," said Lily tersely.

James looked up from the Muggle newspaper he was currently reading. At first he looked troubled, still lost within the paragraphs of the article he was reading. Then he rolled his eyes and said, "It was only two galleons, a deal nobody could pass up. Before you say it's bewitched, it's from Ms. Elizabeth's grocery, handed to me by Ms. Elizabeth herself."

"You're too friendly with that girl," remarked Lily, though not at all jealous.

James, back into the newspaper, did not look up, but asked coolly, "Would that matter to you, Lily?"

"What I'm trying to say is don't mess this façade up," snapped Lily, annoyed that James had asked a question like that.

He fingered his glasses, adjusting them. This was one of those little things Lily knew oh so well. Something was troubling him. Finally, he took off the glasses and put them on the table. He folded the newspaper and set it aside. Finally, he took a vial from his robes and took a sip.

Lily did not look at his face. He was too handsome, sometimes. Especially without his glasses. If she looked into his hazel eyes, she sometimes got lost and confused.

His face was stern. "Why, pray tell," he began, "do we keep up this _joke_ of an image?"

She did not reply at first, but then muttered, "It's what they expect of us."

"Who, dammit?! The war would pretty much go on the same way if the whole wizarding world knew we hated each others guts," said James angrily.

"People have enough on their minds. And our betters would think less of us once they found out we were deceiving them," Lily replied, still not looking at James.

He knew she was right, but he hated giving in to Lily. He studied at her. Her hair was in the tight bun it always was, with some strands falling in front of her emerald eyes, currently studying the sleeve of her robe. Her face was sad, though she still managed to look proud somehow. He'd be deemed a blind man if he ever said the woman in front of him was ugly, but Merlin, she was _infuriating_.

He took a sip from the vial again. It was nothing more than a healing potion for his eyes. As his vision cleared, he sighed and said, "Look at me, Lily."

Lily fought the urge, but it overcame her. She looked into the hazel eyes.

"We have three more bloody years before we never have to see each other again. After this damn war, we're both going to take a cauldron full of Amortentia and…let things find their course…we have our child, then we separate, divorce, whatever. If you're saying we have to act lovey-dovey all that time…" he trailed off, unsure of what else to say. He, too, was just as lost and confuse as his wife.

He looked at Lily. Her eyes were ablaze and her mouth twisted into a frown. James knew she wasn't angry; she was sad and upset. Before he could say anything else, she'd gotten up and gone to the fireplace in the living room. James got up to stop her but she had already stepped in, holding Floo powder in her hand.

"I'm going to the office," she said.

"It's Sunday Lily, take time to relax," James persuaded calmly.

She said nothing else and with a great burst of flame, she had gone.

_Why are women so emotional? _thought James helplessly.

SSS

Far away, by the sea in a cave not seen by common eyes, the Dark Lord sat in a stone throne with his followers by his side. The stone throne overlooked a lake which contained masses of the dead: the Inferi. Every once in a while, the waters of the lake would ripple, signaling that the Inferi grew restless with every second they spent drowned in the lake.

Seated on the cold, damp ground in a semicircle around the Dark Lord, Malfoy, Lestrange and Snape waited for their master to speak.

With his bloodred snake eyes, Tom Riddle, now known as Voldemort, he stared out into the lake before him.

"The Inferi grow restless and I wish to oblige them," hissed Voldemort.

The three most devout leaned closer.

"Listen, my children, because the greatest attack the wizarding world will ever see begins here."

SSS

Christopher Evans signed the parchment with the quill given to him by Harold. Harold on the other hand, was signing with a pen.

"Strange contraption," Harold said, looking at the pen.

"You're telling me," Christopher replied, waving the quill around.

After they had both signed the papers signifying that James and Lily would marry for five years and produce a son, Harold felt a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Did you just have one of those stomach-sinky feelings right now?" asked Christopher.

"Yeah. Merlin, James is going to murder me in my sleep when he finds out."

"Oh God. What'll Lily do?"

"You have my condolences."

SSS

The thundering clouds above poured their rain. James pocketed his glasses and took a long draught from the vial. He could Apparate home, sure, but he needed a walk in the rain to clear up his thoughts.

He trudged up the muddy path up the small hill. His shoes were splattered with mud, but he didn't care. Lily, however, would scold him.

He hadn't seen Lily for a while; not that he'd cared, of course. It was just…James needed to fix things before he left for war. He at least needed to find out what had upset her. He went through all the things he said. What had he done wrong?

He was closer to the house. The house was the only thing Lily and James had agreed to early in their marriage, when duels and shouting matches broke out everyday. Godric's Hollow was perfect. Quiet and normal. The Muggles in the town didn't ask many questions unless they needed to. The wizards in the town left them alone.

The house was small, but not cramped. James, growing up in a mansion-like home, hated the empty rooms and cold hallways. He'd want something small and manageable. Lily, growing up in a townhouse, decided the little expansion wouldn't hurt. Afterwards, of course, both of them had put spells so it would be impenetrable like a fortress. The outside looked nice, though.

He dried himself after entering the house. No sign of life. The whole house was dark. He climbed the stairs and entered the bedroom. Lily was curled up with the blankets over her. She looked like a little girl, with her auburn hair splashed around the pillow. James approached her, putting his hand on her shoulder. She felt warm.

"Lily," he called out, "wake up."

It was rare that James would have to wake her up. By this time, Lily was downstairs making her breakfast and his dinner.

Lily stirred. Her emerald eyes were revealed, though sleepy. James couldn't help himself. She was really pretty. She rubbed her eyes and yawned.

"Mmm, what time is it, James?" she murmured softly, stretching backwards. James stared at her figure, unable to help himself.

"James?" she said, smiling and cocking her head to one side.

_Bloody hell, why doesn't she always act like this?_ James thought. "Seven thirty."

"Awfully early, don't you think?" she said, with that offhanded smile.

James could only stutter out, "Yes…well, er…"

"'S OK," murmured Lily, rubbing her eyes. She swung her legs over the bed and jumped up. _Those Auror reflexes never cease to amaze,_ thought James. She staggered a bit and made her way to the bathroom. On her way, she absent-mindedly patted James on the shoulder like a dog.

Down in the living room, James picked up a newspaper he'd gotten from the grocer's in Godric's Hollow. He began reading, but his mind was elsewhere. Was he ready to tell Lily that he was be going to be gone for a year or more, fighting side by side soldiers to defeat Voldemort? Of course he was…So why was he so hesitant?

Lily had come down stairs in her work robes and had tapped all the knives, spoons, pot and pans and she started to crack an egg. The kitchen supplies whirled around her head to find the proper ingredients to mash, slice, mix and stir.

Lily began to speak. "I've been thinking, James."

She looked back into the living room to make sure he was listening. He'd put his newspaper down and his head was straight. Good, he was listening.

"We haven't exactly been very…friendly for the entire course of our marriage. We've always fought and called each other names, blamed each other for things we didn't do. But that's not how husband and wife should act, right? Even _arranged_ marriages work out." As she said 'arranged', she'd almost chopped off her finger while cutting the onions for the omelet.

James still said nothing. Lily frowned. "I guess it's been our prides, really," she continued, "I never wanted to give in to you and you've never wanted to give in to me. We hadn't _tried _to act friendly or even respectable towards each other. And you don't have to tell me, but I _know _I act like a bitch sometimes." She waited for the snort to come from James.

He was still silent.

"I just can't help it, y'know? This war's got me on the edge."

At hearing the word 'war', James put his head down into his hands.

"So I want to say sorry for acting cold and harsh to you," finished Lily, exhaling. She laid out James' breakfast on the table. "Should we start over again, with a clean slate?" She looked at James, still quiet as a rock.

Lily started to feel annoyed. "You heard that, didn't you?" she asked, hardly keeping the annoyance out of her voice.

James got up and turned around to face Lily. His eyes were sad and his whole body was downcast. For a moment, Lily thought he was going apologize, but the next words that come out of his mouth were as unexpected as Christmas in September.

"Lily, I'm going off to war. I'm going to be the commander of the army."

SSS

Review. Please.

And please forgive me for the long update. Life's busy.


	3. Attack

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. There. The cat's out of the bag.

A/N: I wrote most of this chapter before Deathly Hallows came out, so there are no major spoilers. Some of it was edited to fit in with DH, but no mind-blowing spoilers. This is AU, so why should it matter anyway?! (Can't help but say that DEATHLY HALLOWS WAS ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS!!!! Except the end, of course…)

SSS

CHAPTER III

Midnight.

Clear skies.

A grassy field.

The camp.

The old man wore an all-black cloak, though it was known he did not need cloaks to become invisible. He did not stoop; the old man marched with his back straight. His long white beard flowed freely (it was so long, he could probably tuck it into his belt) and he strode to the largest tent, where several lamps were lit inside and men discussed plans for battle.

The two guards who were on duty to protect the tent were both asleep, head on each others shoulders. They were very young for soldiers, probably no more than sixteen. Dumbledore cleared his throat. Both boys jumped up and clumsily held their wands in front of them.

"Who goes there?" said one, hesitantly.

"It's only me, Rufus, Dominic; lower your wands and let me in, please," said Dumbledore.

Both of their eyes widened. The one named Dominic suddenly started to apologize, "Oh please, Professor, we didn't want to get out of Hogwarts because we were lazy, see? We only wanted to join the army—"

Dumbledore held up a hand. "I know, Dominic, I know. But currently, it seems you are not quite fulfilling your role in the army."

Both boys' faces flushed from embarrassment. They stood aside and let the Headmaster in.

Important men were sitting on a table, discussing in whispers. Black was the first to see him. He nodded and motioned Dumbledore to come closer.

He noticed all were once his pupils. He'd seen them as boys, laughing and talking merrily in the Great Hall or in the hallways. Now they had no laughter in their eyes and talked in whispers.

James looked up. The bags under his eyes showed he wasn't getting enough sleep, but there was a glint in his eye that Dumbledore knew too well. James was ready to do anything to stop Voldemort.

"Men," he said, "disperse and get some sleep. We'll discuss this tomorrow."

All the men got up, most of them weary and tired. These were not generals; they were men who'd volunteered to fight and got much more than they bargained for.

"Do you want them to stay, Professor?" asked James.

"No."

Lupin and Black stayed behind. "Is this Order business?" asked Lupin, one of the few men who were not tired at all but full of life. Dumbledore noticed the werewolf had been growing his sandy hair so it covered most of his face. His teeth were a bit sharper. It must have been close to the full moon.

"No, this is strictly war business."

James frowned and waved them away. "Away. You've shown your worth. Get some sleep."

They both nodded, knowing James would tell them as soon as he'd finished with Dumbledore.

Old man and commander sat at the table. A large map was strewn across the table. Dumbledore pointed to a small suburb near London. "Voldemort's biggest troop yet will start here," he said, and then moved his finger right on top of London, "and will attack here, sometime next month."

James had never known Dumbledore could be so blunt. He noticed Dumbledore wasn't as full of life as he used to be. The war was really taking its toll.

"Snape told you this?" said James, remembering not to call him 'Snivellus'. He knew how Snape had quickly joined the Order of the Phoenix after Lily had almost died at the hands of Lord Voldemort. James gritted his teeth. Slimy git.

"Yes, he did. He is one of Tom's most faithful followers."

James nodded. "How big is this army?"

Dumbledore told him. James' eyes grew wide. "I don't have even half of that number on my side!"

Dumbledore nodded. "You should tell Lily to send some Aurors over and tell her to push for a draft."

At the name 'Lily', James got a dreaded feeling in his stomach. Dumbledore headed toward the door. As he left, he turned and said, "Keep good care of my students, James. Half the seventh and sixth year boys are in your camp. Teach them well."

James nodded seriously and said, "I promise."

SSS

The stoic redhaired woman watched the bustling mass of witches and wizards hurry cubicle to cubicle, waving papers and yelling at each other. Nobody smiled.

The woman sighed and went back into her office. A young witch, fresh out of Hogwarts, hurriedly entered the room. Out of portfolio, she took out a pile of papers and dropped them on the Auror's desk.

"From the minister," the girl said breathlessly. The young witch left as quickly as she had arrived.

Lily Potter groaned and put the papers aside. Being the Head of Aurors was not at all what she'd thought it would be. James never mentioned the masses of paperwork and the readings of endless Auror reports. There was probably no job duller than this one.

_So this is why James felt so helpless all the time,_ thought Lily. At least she had been out on some missions.

And with the thought of James came the unwelcome tumble and avalanche of emotions. Lily groaned. This was utterly ridiculous. Not to mention foolish and illogical. Lily had spent many sleepless nights recalling that evening when James revealed to her he was off to war. She was constantly plagued with that particular memory like a rogue bludger…

_There was silence. Lily looked at James incredulously. The words echoed in Lily's head over and over. She did not need the words repeated. She was a good enough Legimens to know he wasn't lying. The confusion was later. First there was only white-hot anger._

"_So you're giving up your efforts in the field we need most progress in to fight with a half-trained militia?" she said scathingly._

_He was taken aback. Good, she'd thought._

_Quickly, he required his composure._

"_No," James replied coldly, "I, unlike you, will be actually _doing_ something about Voldemort. It's a lot better than what I'm doing now."_

"_So you're leaving a community that needs you most? Just like that? It's just what I expected. You've never changed, have you? The arrogant boy is still there, thinking he can go off do whatever he wants, and everything will turn out fine!" Lily shouted, furious beyond measure. James was cockier than ever._

Soon, Lily had found herself at her doorstep. The day at work couldn't have been worse. She headed upstairs toward a soft, welcome bed. As she plopped down, her thoughts returned to that evening.

_Perhaps the 'arrogant boy' comment had particularly riled him, because James was yelling as well._

"_NO! I'm going out there to PROTECT this community!" James roared. Lily did not flinch._

_Lily gave up. She went back to her cooking, again chopping onions, fighting the sting on her eyes. She so desperately wanted to throw the knife at his head. Lily had wanted to start over on a clean slate with James. Now, he said he was leaving. How…James-ish of him. Running away to adventure. He probably never even listened to her in the first place. She had almost poured out her heart to this arrogant, vile man. Lily flushed. She didn't like her pride getting a blow like that._

_The next words out of her mouth would follow Lily to the grave._

"_I hope you die."_

_She continued. "It would make my life a whole lot easier."_

_There was silence. Then James said softly, "It already has. You're the new Head of Aurors. Congratulations."_

_With that, James stood up and put on his cloak, donned his hat and put on his shoes. Lily turned and looked at him coldly. He glared back and opened the front door. _

"_Don't expect me back."_

_James left, slamming the door._

SSS

These sheets used to be warm.

I'm so cold now.

_You always were._

Alone.

_Does it matter?_

Yes.

_Do you miss him?_

No.

Yes.

_You wanted to start over. You treated him like shit anyway._

_You should have been kinder, more sympathetic._

_You're horrible. You're cold hearted and—_

The thunder flashed outside. It was always raining these days. Lily pulled the blanket closer.

"Merlin, I really fucked up this time."

SSS

James sat on a rock, looking ahead to the camp before him. The tents were few (not that they needed many, of course; the tents were bigger on the inside) and the soldiers were less than he'd expected. The list he had back home seemed irrelevant now. Once he got a good physical look, they were short of what they should have. This was the reason why James was sitting on the rock with parchment and quill in hand. For a few seconds, his mind was blank, unsure of what to put down. This letter could very well be intercepted.

He began to write.

_Dear Lily,_

_I regret to inform you that our numbers are too low. Please send some of your friends over. The bill needs to be passed._

_Sincerely,_

_Prongs_

James paused. What else did Lily need to know? Nothing about his well being, thought James. _"I hope you die," _echoed inside his skull. Lily made it pretty clear she hated him.

James finished the letter off.

_P.S. We're not dead yet._

Sirius walked over and took a peek over James' shoulder, but James had already folded the piece of paper and was hurriedly attaching it to Pallas, his owl.

"Writing to sweetheart are we?" drawled Sirius. It was no secret that Sirius never approved of Lily.

Remus and Peter came over. "Lay off him, Padfoot; he hasn't seen her in weeks," said Remus, before taking a large bite out of a raw, skinned rabbit.

They all tried to hide their disgust. Remus looked apologetic. "Sorry I'm so unbearable," he said, "I haven't…"

Sirius shook his head. "'Salright, mate."

James was silent. He hated lying to his friends, especially about Lily. They were, like the rest of the Wizarding world, under the impression that Lily and James were star-struck lovers. Sirius would take it alright if he found out, but Remus and Peter? They both liked Lily. He had to steer off the subject as quickly as he could. But before James could utter a word, Sirius sat beside him and stretched, asking, "How'd dear Lilykins react when you told her you'd be commander?"

Remus, through his mane of matted hair and sharp teeth, looked concerned. "Did she cry a lot?"

James and Sirius snorted. Sirius got up and did an imitation of Lily's stance. "No, love, don't leave me," he said, in a surprisingly good imitation of Lily's bored, monotone voice. "I'll die without you. Woe is me."

Remus tried not to grin. James sighed and replied, "No, actually she yelled at me for a bit and sent me off with a death wish."

Remus, Sirius and Peter laughed. "Nice one, James," squeaked Peter.

"I'm not joking."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Mate, even I find that hard to believe."

James did not feel so well. Every mention of Lily was a stab in the heart.

"Then you don't know Lily Potter," he muttered to himself. Walking off, he went to vent his emotions on Death Eater dummies.

SSS

Alice Longbottom took a sip from the teacup and sat back on the couch. She surveyed the room quietly and was absorbed into a painting of a meadow next to the window.

Lily sat next to her, writing on a piece of parchment furiously. An owl lazily perched on her shoulder, every once in a while digging into Lily's bun with its beak. She took no notice.

"There," snarled Lily, folding up the parchment and attaching it to the owl's feet. "I hope the Minister's happy."

As the owl flew away, Lily turned to apologize to Alice.

"I'm so sorry, it just that—"

But before Lily could get the words out of her mouth, another owl swooped in through the window. Lily's hand twitched toward her wand, hoping to jinx the owl to Kingdom Come. She stopped herself when she noticed it was James' owl, Pallas.

"Isn't that James' owl?" Alice asked, "Must be important."

Wordlessly, Lily grabbed the parchment to the leg. She'd been hoping, weeks on end…

As she read the letter, her spirits sank. It was as she feared. Strictly business and impersonal. Was there a twinge of sadness and longing in Lily's heart? Maybe…

"Is he alright?" asked Alice, reading over her shoulder. Alice tittered at the post-script. "I guess he is. His humor is alive and well, anyway."

Lily folded the letter and put it in her pocket.

She shouldn't ask it, but her curiosity got the better of her. Lily asked tentatively, "Alice, what did you do when Frank left for war?"

"Oh, I couldn't stop him, not with that determined look in his eye. I tried to persuade him to take me with him. You should have seen his face," Alice paused, ginning, lost in the memory. "Then he said in that romantic voice, 'Alice, love, if I lose you, my world would be meaningless.'."

Alice smiled at Lily, embarrassed. "He's so hopeless sometimes."

Lily tried to smile back, but James' angry face floated in front of her. Her stomach took a dive. She shouldn't have asked Alice; Lily felt worse than before.

"So I cooked his favorite meal, we made love and then he left…I cried myself to sleep days after that," Alice said, her voice unsuccessfully suppressing the raging emotions. Alice's eyes filled with tears.

"I'm sorry," murmured Lily. Both women sat in silence. Lily was thinking how casually Alice had said "made love"…

"So what happened when James left?" asked Alice, wiping her eyes, "You two are the perfect couple. How'd you handle it?"

Lily froze. Alice was one of the few people Lily truly trusted. She hated lying to Alice, especially about James.

"Er," stammered Lily, "Well, um…he….actually…"

Alice gave a knowing nod. "Ah. I see."

Lily's insides froze. Lily, with wide eyes, looked at Alice.

"What—?"

"Well it's obvious, isn't it? Everybody knows you two have wonderful tantric se—"

The door banged and the whole house seemed to respond. Lily's Death Eater Alarm had gone off. A siren, one long wailing sound was reverberating off the walls and into Lily's ears. The door was blasted down and Bathilda Bagshot stood in the doorway with an anxious McGonagall behind her.

"Lily! Alice! To the shelter! We're under attack!"

SSS

Reviews. Reviews.

Anybody see _Order of the Phoenix_ in theatres? The films are getting darker, aren't they? I predict by the time _Deathly Hallows _rolls around, all we'll have is a black screen with voices.

I understand this chapter was not as progressive as the other one. This chapter is only a bridge into the next one.


	4. War and Midnight

Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me.

SSS

CHAPTER IV

Midnight.

Godric's Hollow.

The dragon shelter.

Dark.

The villagers of Godric's Hollow had congregated to the dragon-shelter underground. The shelter just happened to be under the local pub, so Lily was forced to endure the complaints of a half drunk.

"Look 'ere mate, 'oo says all the--" hiccup "--about dragons is real? Dragons, the lady tol' me. Dragons! Barkin' mad…"

The villagers were huddled in groups in the underground room. Mothers tended to whimpering children as men discussed in dark whispers, throwing significant looks at the witches and wizards in the room. The witches and wizards themselves exchanged news of the attack, unheeding to the Muggles. Occasionally, they would hear a thud or crash or roar and all would jump in fear, Muggle and wizard alike.

Lanterns and wand-light were divided chaotically, scattering uneven glows in the darkness. They flickered, casting unwanted shadows upon the wall. The villagers drew closer to the lanterns and to themselves; the room got colder as the night wore on.

"A Hungarian Horntail, I'm afraid," murmured Edward Bones, after a particularly loud and clear thud and screech from above. The wizarding folk all looked at Lily.

She was sitting in the corner in the dark, looking at her lap. _So helpless down here, so useless, pathetic, should be doing something…_Lily felt their eyes on her and was obligated to reply, "Don't worry, it's all being taken care of."

Many of the Muggle men snorted.

"For all I know," growled the irate barman, "Me pub an' me house might have burned to the ground!"

Lily felt her head pound and stomach nauseous. _James, _she thought, _oh God, James, what if he dies? Where is he? What if he _dies?

Lily looked at Alice, who sat beside her, holding Lily's hand in her own. Alice's eyes were closed and she mouthed words Lily could not comprehend. Even in the weak lantern-light, there was no mistaking the glistening trail of tears on Alice's pale face. Lily squeezed her hands, grateful she had Alice by her side.

The half drunk was getting restless. He was pacing the room impatiently, muttering to himself.

"What are we doin' 'ere anyway?" he stated to the room in general, startling all. "Dragons ain't real! We're sittin' 'ere like a bunch o' cowards, all cause _they—" _he pointed at Lily "— says 'dragons are attackin' the village'! Blimey, an' we believe 'em!"

All these worries in her head made Lily want to vent out her emotions. This nitwit was perfect. She stood up, facing him and putting on the coldest expression she could muster at the moment. She tried to put the image of a motionless James with blank eyes into the back of her mind.

"Go out there, then," said Lily, looking at the man straight in the eye.

"Wha—?"

"I said," Lily repeated through clenched teeth, "Go out there, then."

The people in the room looked at both the man and the woman fearfully.

"I ain't takin' no orders from you, lady," said the half-drunk disdainfully. "_Especially _from a freak like you."

At the word 'freak', Lily snapped. She strode over to the man. Everyone kept looking on with fear. Lily grabbed him by the collar. Mercifully, Lily was taller than the man. His eyes were wide, perfectly sober. She'd scared the alcohol right out of him. Lily leaned closer, nearly nose to nose. He smelled filthy, of beer and rotting fish. His breath was poison.

"My husband," she began, her voice shaking with worry and anger, "is risking his life for sods like you."

She shook him with vigor. The image of a dead James had come to her again. She had never said sorry…

"If you can't appreciate it, I'll _make _you appreciate."

She was dragging him now, up the stone stairs and out of the shelter. They were in the pub now. Lily didn't care much anymore. She saw red and tears blocked her vision.

_Don't be dead James. I'm so sorry, so sorry…_

She kicked the door open of the pub and thrust the man outside. He screamed like a banshee. Drawing out her wand, she stepped outside…

…And saw titans clashing.

The air was full of them, dragons of every size, color and breed imaginable. The sky was bright as day with flames scorching the night air like temporary suns. It was hard to tell who was winning. It was hard even to distinguish which dragon was on which side (_there might be no sides at all, _though Lily). The sound was deafening. Screeches and roars of both men and dragon intermingled with the roar of flames. With a lurch of her stomach, she saw bodies drop out of the sky and crash into houses, setting them aflame. At first, she thought they were casualties of war, but the barrage of dead bodies did not cease. With another sickening jolt, this one much more painful, she realized the flaming bodies were dead Muggles.

The man had fled inside and she followed suit. When she returned, the man was in a corner, crying silently. She, pale and shaking, reassumed her seat next to Alice. She stayed silent as she was bombarded with questions.

Lily could have sworn one of the falling bodies had jet black hair and hazel eyes.

SSS

They had gathered in the main tent, which was the size of a large courtroom. Huddled together, they all leaned closer to the radio in the middle of the room.

James took his wand and tapped the radio, muttering, "Ministry of Magic".

The radio cackled to life, with scattered words echoing throughout the room. The static still crackled as the news anchor spoke.

"We have regained contact with the victims of the latest attack by Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters. It was a strategically planned offensive on _all _Wizarding communities in the country. Mercifully, there were nearly no casualties and absolutely no deaths—"

There were whoops of relief and muttered thanks among the soldiers. They were soon hushed by others in the tent.

"—among Wizardkind. However, countless Muggles had been tortured and…" there was an unexpected pause as the news anchor gulped audibly, "…and used as living projectiles and bombs in the attacks."

There were cries of horror and uneasiness among them.

"This was an attack to frighten and intimidate the Wizarding community," came the gruff voice of Barty Crouch, "In NO WAY was anybody in danger. The Ministry IS prepared."

Sirius grunted beside James. He had his chin resting on his fist in the thinker's position. "Yeah, but it just goes to show how helpless everyone was, doesn't it?" said Sirius. "_Nobody_ could stop it."

James just nodded and continued listening to the radio.

"Probably the most intense of these attacks was the one on Godric's Hollow," the voice of the news anchor returned, "The village had to be evacuated due to a squadron of Death Eaters on dragons. It is believed that Godric's Hollow was targeted this way because the village is the home to many of the more prominent wizards and witches, mainly Dumbledore, the Bones and the Potters. In fact, when the village was burning, it was Edward Bones and Lily Potter who led the effort to calm the fires. Voldemort's whereabouts remaining unknown as investigations continue…"

Remus put his hand wearily on James' shoulder. He smiled tiredly (the full moon was days ago) and said, "She's alive, mate."

James nodded and went outside, away from the ruckus. He stared, looking up at the stars, the image of a dead Lily in his arms etched into his mind's eyes.

"Merlin, I really fucked up this time."

SSS

Lily was the first to leave the large dungeon hall where the wizarding lawmakers had just passed the draft legislation. It was passed with support from almost everybody in the room. The session had ended and now Barty Crouch and Cornelius Fudge were accepting congratulations from their fellow peers. Neither of them would tell them the draft was James Potter's idea, conveyed to them by his wife, of course. They would humbly accept the praise, pretending they were the clever ones.

Lily snorted. Politicians.

The announcement would be made tonight via Wizarding Wireless Network and owl. And as early as next week, all able-bodied young men would be arriving at designated stations around the country. The Ministry officials would be signing them in and sending them off to their deaths.

_Don't be so pessimistic_, though Lily sharply.

She Apparated to her house and climbed into bed, hoping life was but a dream.

SSS

_Later_

James looked at his assembled troops approvingly. The draft certainly propelled his numbers into a formidable army. The number of volunteered hands had also been increased. House-elves had broken their ties to their families to fight against Voldemort. Foreign witches and wizards had heard the Ministry's plea and rushed to their aid. Centaurs, for the first time in ages, had stepped out from their forest and joined wizards. Many more oddballs and oddities had come to help and James welcomed them with open arms.

They all wore protective robes that deflected most curses and hexes. Every witch or wizard carried a sword. There were certain advantages as fighting like Muggles.

Dumbledore put his hand on James' shoulder. "I think we would like to hear some words from our leader."

James nodded, pointing his wand at his throat.

"I'm not one for fancy talk," James' voice carried throughout the grassy plain where the army was assembled, "but I do have to say this: I'm proud of each and every one of you who came out here today to fight for what is right. Even if we lose, we'll know that we didn't cower and hide while Voldemort took over. We fought our hardest. And those Death Eaters? Let's give them some death to eat."

And enormous roar went up. They were ready.

They heard a distant noise coming from the horizon. It was the sound of marching feet. Voldemort's army had arrived.

SSS

"I repeat, we have made contact and will engage the enemy in combat."

Lily turned off the radio and hoped everything would turn out alright.

SSS

Midnight.

Midnight is usually when people have fallen in slumber and await their dreams. Midnight is usually when we forget the day and welcome another. It is the time to give your body to sleep and rest.

But not for the beings locked in combat fighting to the finish. Midnight arrived and none took notice because too much blood was spilled for anyone to care anymore. Three days and more they had been fighting, and they continued as if it were only the first offense.

Remus, with his brute strength blessed unto him by the curse of the werewolf, threw a Death Eater ten yards where the Death Eater fell and broke his neck and died.

Sirius cast a huge fireball into a horde of Inferi where they crumpled and burnt. He then went on to stab every single troll and giant, determined to bring them down.

Frank took on ten Death Eaters and managed to bind them together and knock them all unconscious.

James cursed every Dark thing he could find into oblivion.

And Dumbledore himself fought the Dark Lord himself, his face impassive as he blocked every curse from Voldemort.

The night was ablaze with sparks, fire and spells. The battle wore on, but it was clear that the Death Eaters were dwindling. The battle would soon be over, James' army slowly gaining power among the Death Eaters. But the fight was not yet finished.

Dumbledore's cry of pain jolted James out of his frenzy of cursing. James hurried to the old man. He laid on the ground, oddly twisted, his frail limbs sprawled around him.

"James," Dumbledore whispered, "you must finish him off."

"Where is he?" asked James.

"He is flying away," muttered Dumbledore, pointing to the sky.

James took a vial from his robes and put the potion in Dumbledore's mouth. The old man sighed in relief and James was off.

Seeing a thestral nearby, James hopped on, taking flight after Voldemort.

SSS

"We won! WE WON!"

The news anchor's delight was barely hidden as the announcement was made and all across the country, people repeated with uncontrollable glee.

Lily sat back in her sofa and sighed.

"Though Voldemort has fled, our Head Auror and commander, James Potter himself, is hot on his tail!"

Lily's breath hitched.

SSS

It was the cold, early morning and James was exhausted. It was hard to sit up, so he laid on his belly, bleeding from mouth and forehead. Not to mention the other million places where blood had escaped. The thestral that had so faithfully helped him catch up to Voldemort lay on the rocky ground, dead. The head was a few yards away, severed, its eyes staring unseeingly beyond.

Voldemort himself was in the same position as James, lying on his stomach. The only noise was each other's breathing.

"You should join me," whispered Voldemort in his cold hiss, "You have noble blood in you. The Potters are a fine legacy. Join me. You know what I do is right…"

"Fuck off and die," James muttered.

Voldemort laughed. "It's so easy to see into your weak little mind, Potter. I see that you and Lily Potter are not what you seemed…"

"Shut up! SHUT UP!!"

James got up now, picking up his sword. It hurt, every part of him. The sword felt heavy in his hand. So did his wand.

"I'm going to make you bleed like every other man in this world, Voldemort," vowed James.

Voldemort got up as well. "And I will make you suffer and thousand ways and cast your body to the Inferi."

James thrust his sword and wand into Voldemort's chest. At the same time, the words "Avada Kedavra" escaped from Voldemort's thin lips.

Everything went black.

SSS

Reviews would be very much appreciated.


	5. Death

Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me.

SSS

CHAPTER V

Noon.

Godric's Hollow.

The residence of Mr. and Mrs. Potter.

Six months later.

The house was empty (or so it seemed), but the windows were open to let the welcome sunshine in from outside. It cast a friendly glow in the living room where a woman lay sleeping on the sofa. It was silent in the house, the sort of silence that comes after great turmoil and distress. Everything lay in its proper place: tidy, perfect and clean. The house smelled like it usually did; it smelled of flowers in the living room, herbs in the kitchen, soap in the bathroom and traces of perfume in the bedroom.

It was a perfect moment of peace in the Potter household.

The only sign of chaos was in the living room. The woman herself was tidy enough, but the letters and newspapers, documents and random assortments of papers on the table were scattered in a silent frenzy. Only two of these papers showed any significance; both were newspapers, dating back several months:

The headline on one read:

PEACE AT LAST! VOLDEMORT VANQUISHED!

Below the headline was a picture of a serpentine man with blank eyes and open mouth. He lay eagle-spread on a mountaintop cliff, a deep puncture in his chest, right over his heart.

It read:

_He's done! He's gone! We won! Voldemort, fancying himself as the Dark Lord, was found here on a secluded mountaintop near…"_

But the rest of the article was covered up by another newspaper.

It read:

OUR HERO: DEAD OR ALIVE?

There was a picture of a handsome man in his early twenties, bespectacled and smirking. Every once in a while, he would take off the glasses and flash a handsome grin.

_James Potter, Vanquisher of Voldemort, Dark Lord Destroyer, is still missing as investigations continue to locate his whereabouts. The Head Auror and Commander left absolutely no clues to where he is. He was last seen by Albus Dumbledore, who told reporters that James Potter was still alive. _

_But speculations among witches and wizards continue:_

"'_E's dead," stated Mundungus Fletcher sadly, "I mean, if 'e 'asn't shown 'is face fer a coupla months, where is 'e?"_

"_He's alive, you idiot," said Rita Skeeter, rolling her eyes, "But it's quite obvious that he's on the run. What he did to Voldemort wasn't exactly Dark Magic, but to let the body bleed long after he was dead? Seems dodgy to me."_

"_I think James was merely trying to make sure Voldemort stayed dead, Rita," countered Barty Crouch, "But if James Potter does not reveal himself soon or he is unable to be found, he will be declared dead."_

"_Potter? Which one? The boy? He's fine," growled 'Mad-Eye' Moody, Auror and colleague of James Potter's, "Though I wouldn't rule out the possibility that he might be dead. We lose too many good Aurors in the field."_

_Cornelius Fudge stated, "James Potter is dead. There was no sign of him where we discovered Voldemort and no one has seen him for months. Everyone has worked to the limit to find him, but there have been absolutely no results."_

_Lily Potter, wife to James Potter, declined comment on this issue. No word yet on how Lily Potter is taking this emotional…"_

No more could be read, for the coffee mug sat on the rest of the article.

SSS

Lily was in the garden, tending to the roses when Remus and Peter Apparated in the backyard. She stood up, wiped the dirt off her dress and invited them into the house.

Remus and Peter were one of the very few people Lily tolerated these days and let them talk to her. They had first come a few days the war had ended, bearing food and condolences.

At first, Lily was positive she would soon come to resent their company, but after a while, Lily had made fast friends with them, especially Remus. They were both intellectuals and Lily felt comfortable in his company. Soon, Remus and Peter came over every week for lunch.

Sirius never came on any of these occasions.

Remus had brought smoked fish and Peter some cake. They both set it down on the kitchen table where Lily laid down the rest of the meal.

"So, what's Sirius' excuse this time?" asked Lily, once they had begun eating.

"Dunno, I think it was fishing," replied Remus.

Lily snorted.

"So, any news of James?" asked Peter nervously.

Lily's eyes glistened and Remus shot Peter a filthy look.

"No. None," said Lily softly, staring out the window with a mournful face.

Remus coughed loudly and changed the subject by saying, "So, when are you going back to work?"

Lily blinked and shook her head. Replying, she said, "Don't need to. James got Order of Merlin, First Class and they gave us heaps of gold. James already had a little fortune and I made enough money myself. I'll get by for a couple of years."

"I thought it was about time somebody had the brains to award James," said Remus, nodding approvingly.

"One of the presenters of the award kept looking at my chest throughout the whole presentation. Slimy bastard even tried to touch me after everyone had gone," Lily recounted through gritted teeth.

Remus sat up and his eyes grew wide. "Did he hurt you?" he asked hurriedly, "What's his name? What did he look like?"

Lily laughed darkly, an empty but cold laugh that sent shivers down the men's spines. "Relax, Remus. I hexed him where he needed hexing. He won't be able to walk properly for months."

Peter grinned weakly and Remus laughed nervously. Lily's face grew somber again.

"It seems everybody is ready to accept that James will never come back."

They soon finished their lunch and Lily refused to let them help her with the dishes. She saw them off with a wave and her usual manner of saying good-bye:

"Take care of yourselves. And try to bring Sirius along next time, will you?"

She always said the last part stiffly, but Remus and Peter never took any notice. They all knew Lily detested Sirius as much as he detested her.

With a wave and a swish of their cloaks, they were gone.

SSS

Nights were always the hardest for Lily. She would lie on the bed for hours, wanting to sleep, to succumb to sweet slumber. She tossed, turned, read books and usually after midnight, her eyes would droop. If the insomnia was bad, the dreams were worse. They were always about James. Sometimes, they'd be back at the grounds at Hogwarts; he'd smile or laugh and run away, but her dream-self would never be quite able to catch him. Other times, it was just him and Voldemort, James on the ground screaming in a pain a thousand times worse than the Cruciatus.

Those were just the dreams.

There were nightmares.

The most horrible ones were when everything seemed normal. It was after the war and James would be sitting on the couch or at the kitchen table. She would enter the room and he would look up, his beautiful eyes flashing with anger. "I hate you," he would say, "You didn't have to love me. We could've gotten along just fine, but you just had to be a bitch. It's your fault that I'm dead. I hate you because you hate me."

It was always those words, the exact phrase. Sometimes, she would wake with a scream. Other times, she found herself sweating, tears pouring out of her eyes.

These guilt-ridden dreams were pathetic, she knew. A simple Dreamless Sleeping Potion could've gotten rid of these dreams with a snap. But more pathetic, she told herself, was that she _wanted _these haunting dreams of James. It was the only way she could truly remember him.

_This is what you did. Face the consequences, Lily._

SSS

Lily was reading the Daily Prophet when the doorbell rang. Lily did not move and continued to read about obesity in goblin workers at Gringott's. The doorbell rang again. It rang two more times before a voice yelled.

"Open the bloody door before I blast it to pieces!"

Sighing, Lily got up and opened the door. There stood a man about James' height, long black hair falling handsomely over his face. He wore a haughty expression and held flowers in his hand.

"Can I come in?" asked Sirius tightly.

"If you must," said Lily, sighing. She wasn't surprised or disappointed it wasn't James' figure in the doorway. She'd gotten over that months ago.

Sirius stepped into the house, looking around. Lily gestured for him to sit down. He did so, after mumbling, "These are for you," handing over the flowers. Lily took them, placed them on a table and asked, "Tea?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

An awkward silence fell between them. Lily set the cups of tea on the table and sat on a chair beside the fireplace.

"What do you want?"

With a big sigh that said he really didn't want to do this, Sirius began, "Well, Remus persuaded me to come here and once Chelsea overheard him, _she _started persuading me to come here too and say that I'm really sorry about James and if you need help, I'm here for you."

He finished it all in one breath and looked at her expectantly and defiantly.

Her face was impassive and she said, "Yes. Well. Thank you. For coming down here. And for the flowers."

Another silence.

"You do miss him, don't you?" Sirius' voice was hard.

Lily looked down. She knew that Sirius probably took James' disappearance the hardest out of all the Marauders.

"Yes. Very much. I—"

Lily stopped, unsure if she should reveal this piece of information to Sirius, a person she barely knew. But she had seen Sirius' eyes and they held the same pain and suffering hers held.

"I went out looking for him once."

Sirius nodded and Lily had a suspicion she wasn't the only person who had gone looking for James.

"But…I know he's alive, but…sometimes I think he doesn't want to be found by me."

Sirius frowned, but did not say anything until, "Did you love him?"

Lily's insides went cold. It was the question she hoped she never got asked, yet here Sirius was, expecting an answer.

"What if I told you," began Lily, slowly, "that I didn't?"

Sirius got up and said, "Then I'd hope you were using the past tense on purpose."

The man waved good-bye and Apparated away.

SSS

Another month passed, but no sign of James Potter was to be found. Though the wizarding world did indeed lament the loss of such an illuminating and inspiring figure, they were busy rebuilding their lives after the war. The days were happier and the sun seemed to shine a bit brighter. The nights seemed quieter and wizardkind no longer feared to open their windows in the dark.

Lily Potter lay in her bed, sick with worry that James really was…that James wouldn't be coming back. Of course, this was normal, all that remorse and self-hatred. But tonight, she just couldn't take it anymore. Seven months of waiting, rebuilding and waiting. With a sigh of frustration, she put on her sleeping robe and went downstairs to the kitchen.

She made herself hot cocoa and drank it wearily, wishing it were firewhiskey. She stared blankly at the white walls of the room, until her eyes befell her ring. And before she could stop them, waves of memories crashed on her.

SSS

_Their wedding had been…quiet. Their parents had attended, along with Sirius and Alice. It had been a formal ceremony and due to the secrecy of the event, everyone had worn indistinct formal clothing. All the men wore dress robes (a tuxedo in Mr. Evans' case) and she wore a simple white dress. She didn't remember much of the ceremony. But she remembered her heart thudding and face set, not with fear or anxiety, but with pure, raw anger._

_When the wizard leading the ceremony bonded them, James leaned down to kiss her. It was not a long kiss, he'd just brushed his lips over hers and Lily had fought the urge to kick him in the groin. Lily didn't remember much of it. Both of them saw disgust on their faces afterwards (unnoticed by all) and Lily felt his hand slipping on the ring. That was the only time he'd ever touched her in intimate company._

_Looking back now, Lily realized exactly how humiliating and embarrassing their honeymoon actually was. Of course, she'd been humiliated and embarrassed the first time. But that was because she'd just been married against her will. Now she was humiliated and embarrassed at the way she'd treated him._

_They had gone to Venice, with beautiful buildings and statues, happy people walking around and the flocks of the pigeons, flying everywhere. At night, the gondolas would slip slowly by, the water splashing softly and calmly; singing could be heard some distance away and everything was peaceful._

_They had opted fore two beds in the room they were staying in. The witch in the hotel gave them a very odd look but said not a word._

_On wedding nights, the bride and groom usually…well, James had already begun his paperwork, sitting cross-legged on his bed, hands on his knees, reading a stack of papers._

_Lily was lying on her bed, listening to dreary Italian songs on the radio when she finally exploded._

_"I HATE THIS!" she yelled, the day's frustration pouring out._

_James did not look up._

_"I DON'T WANT TO BE MARRIED! NOT YET! AND NOT TO YOU!"_

_James raised his eyebrows. "You think I want to be married to you, do you?"_

_He sat there so quietly and calmly, so unlike his robust and excited self._

_"I wanted to do so much more! I wanted to be an Auror, not a fucking housewife…"_

_"You can still be an Auror," said James coldly._

_"I'll always be recognized as little Mrs. Potter, James Potters' 'lovely wife', wife to Auror extraordinaire," she said mockingly. She didn't know why she was acting so childish; it just came out._

_"All because of a bloody prophecy that might not even be true! 'To produce a child'. Like we're animals!"_

_Lily looked at her husband filthily. "You'll probably enjoy it."_

_She wanted to incriminate him, blame everything on him so it would be easier for her. She wanted a reason, any reason, no matter how pathetic it might have been, to hate him. It was easier than pretending to be Potter's little wife. He was sitting there calmly, reading his papers, like there was nothing wrong. She wanted him angry. She decided that moment that as far as she was concerned, the mess she ended up in was Potter's fault._

_"You're a pig, Potter. I hate you."_

_This time, he looked up and there was a flash of anger in his eyes. The moment passed and James went back to his work._

_Lily grumbled and turned off her bedside lamp and went to sleep, facing away from James._

_"Before you turn in, Lily, here's your wedding gift."_

_A golden necklace floated in front of her and landed on her pillow. There was a locket, a circular disk that had the words 'Lily Evans Potter' etched in silver. Inside, the locket was blank, but there was a place for a photograph. Furious that James had bested her, she stuffed the necklace into the drawer and went to sleep without saying a word._

SSS

In hindsight, James had probably acted so courteous because it was their wedding night. The next day of course, James had slept in and when Lily had yelled at him to get up, he'd yelled right back. But nonetheless, thought Lily, at least he had made an effort to be kind and she'd refused it.

She'd been a hypocrite. James was the one who was fed up with the loving couple act and Lily who insisted they'd carry on.

Ever since the beginning, she'd wish James was out of her life, so that she could be free from all the trapping she was in. Now that he was gone……

It was very much different.

She dragged herself upstairs and found the locket in a drawer. She hugged it close and went to sleep.

SSS

After that night, Lily had no more dreams of her husband. The first time in months, she'd slept peacefully and had awoken without screaming or sweating in terror.

She had found a photograph of James' laughing face and meticulously put it into the locket. She wore it most of the time now, everywhere she went.

She had gone to Diagon Alley that day to stock up on their library. The library was in the basement of their cottage, filled with the strangest and interesting books James had inherited from the long line of Potters.

She was just about to go downstairs when she spotted a figure out the window. Lily nearly dismissed the figure when she saw that the figure had turned and was walking up the path to their house.

Who was it? By the looks of it, it was either a Ministry official to pester her for information or the half-drunk, out for revenge.

All the figure wore was a cloak, and had his head bent.

Lily got out her wand. _That bloody sod is going to get it_.

The figure approached the doorway and a weak knock came. A hoarse voice that seemed vaguely familiar called out, "Lily?"

Wide-eyed and hexes forgotten, Lily opened the door.

Stomach lurching and throat nearly closed up, she whispered, "James?"

He smiled a sad smile, took off his hat and put it on the usual place he used to. Lily, in a trance, moved aside to let him in. He took off his cloak and robe and put them on the coat hanger.

"James, is that you?"

James turned around, but before he could face Lily, he dropped to the ground, eyes closed and mouth wide open.

Lily couldn't scream.

SSS

I really would appreciate comments. Hint, hint.


	6. Resolutions for Absolutions

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine.

A/N: I can't say how sorry I am for the long wait. I'll torture myself later, don't worry.

SSS

CHAPTER VI

Noon

Godric's Hollow.

The residence of Mr. and Mrs. Potter

Upstairs, the bedroom

She had been keeping this vigil for days. She could only stare at her previously-assumed-dead husband in awe. He was real, not some renegade Death Eater under the guise of James Potter, nor was he a figment of her imagination. She'd used every spell to prove that it was, in fact, James Potter. She'd felt his body as she struggled to lift him upright when he'd fallen down. He was real.

Lily had levitated James to the bedroom. She herself sat in a wooden chair next to the bed. The windows were wide open; the fresh country breeze swept in every now and then, carrying the scent of flowers from the garden. Golden rays of midday basked the room, illuminating everything. It was as if the weather and nature was helping him to wake up and recover.

James lay still, like a breathing corpse. He was stripped bare, his naked chest rising and falling with every breath he took.

When Lily first got a good look of him, his hair was still untidy, though longer, probably longer than Sirius'. His beard was straggly and messy; he'd gone probably a couple of months without shaving. His nose was broken, his lips cracked with dehydration. On his forehead there had been a deep gash, caked with dry blood. There were no sign of his glasses. His whole body had been covered in various cuts and bruises, some of them very recent. She could only wonder where he had gotten them.

He was clean now, face shaven and hair trimmed. All his bruises and cuts had been tended to and the gash on his forehead a faint scar. His body smelled clean, as if he had taken a shower and was taking a nap.

Lily still sat beside him, waiting for him to wake up.

All the things she'd said to him, all the things she had done, the way she had treated him…she blamed herself. It was her fault he was gone seven months and now lay in their bed, catatonic with all the scars on his face, arms and body.

She longed to run her fingers over them, feel them as if to heal them quicker, to apologize for each one to them. She didn't, however, for the fear of waking him up.

He had been sleeping for three days.

It was the when he woke that frightened her the most. What would he do? How would he act towards her? Was he still sane, after all those months of being who knows where?

Would he still be the James she wanted back?

SSS

Lily was unsure. Fingering the pouch of Floo powder, she stood in her living room for a few more seconds before making her decision.

"Number Twelve, Grimauld Place!"

There was that eerie feeling that her head was not connected to her body, but she shook it off and stared into the empty room of Sirius' house. No one was there.

"Sirius! It's me, Lily!"

The man entered the room, holding a sandwich in hand, wiping his mouth off with his sleeve.

Sirius crouched down and looked at Lily.

"Yes?" he said, his eyes showing boredom and eyes raised in an arrogant way.

"It's James. You should come," said Lily, trying not to reprimand him on his haughty expression.

Immediately, Sirius' eyes glinted and he looked scared and nervous, his face white.

"Move over, I'm coming through."

When Sirius had stepped into her living room, he looked around frantically, trying to spot James. Lily led him upstairs to the bedroom.

Sirius walked over to the bed and dropped to his knees. He held James' hand.

"Oh my God. James…"

Sirius wept and Lily stood back, wondering why she wasn't crying along with him.

SSS

Remus and Peter had come as quickly as they could. Both of them had wept like Sirius. And yet James never woke.

They had wanted to stay over to help her, but it was clear Lily needed no help and James was fine. They stayed for hours: sitting, waiting, wishing that James would wake.

It was clear that James was not going to get up any time soon. One by one, they left reluctantly, always looking back, as if expecting James to jump and laugh at their worries.

Sirius was the last to leave, with a sigh and clenched fist. He was frustrated; she knew that he was so helpless, unable to wake his closest friend. His brother…

Lily put a hand on his shoulder and whispered softly, "Go home; you need sleep."

"What was he like, when he showed up on your door? Was he still James?" his eyes penetrated hers, looking for the answer, demanding truth.

"I don't know, Sirius," Lily answered, trying to keep the frustration back. "The first thing he did was collapse. I have no clue to what's wrong with him."

Sirius stood and looked at James. "You're not going to tell anyone else, are you," Sirius said, a statement rather than a question.

"I'd rather not be bombarded with unnecessary Healers and such," said Lily, avoiding the answer Sirius was looking for.

With a nod, Sirius was gone.

SSS

Another day: no change.

The Marauders had come again, surrounding James' bed; they were silent for most of their visit, unable to communicate, just hoping their friend would wake soon. Lily could never stay in the room with them. They always carried that sense of helplessness and despair, their faces dark or worried. The atmosphere in the room would always be heavy with patience and expectation. For Lily, it was like suffocating on unspoken thoughts.

Again, they left, saying few words, heads bent and cloaks wrapped tightly.

Lily said farewell, and sat beside James for a few minutes, silently imploring to him to wake.

This is the calm before the storm, thought Lily, when James wakes…it's obvious something's bound to go wrong…

Would he be angry at her, for driving him away to his almost-death? He had every reason to, thought Lily, and she would gladly take the blame.

Unable to bear the emotions any longer, she went downstairs.

SSS

The clock struck midnight.

Listen:

The sounds are scarce in the house: the only sounds come from the kitchen where the woman is cleaning. The living room is quiet and dark, the lamps snuffed and windows closed. The woman doesn't make a sound as her frowned face keeps scrubbing the table, lost in thought. Only a couple of lamps are lit in the kitchen; the woman does not need light: she needs silence.

All the other rooms are dark, quiet. They sleep as deeply as the man in the bedroom does, dreaming dreams only the way they can.

_Listen:_

In the bedroom, there is a rustle of bed sheets. The man moves his head slightly and…

His eyes open.

Hazel and confused, they stare out in the pitch darkness. The man starts. Is he blind? His arms flail wildly, coming into contact with something hard and painful. He cries out.

The woman downstairs perks up, her ears drawn to the sounds. Her face is calm but her heart beats like war drums on the brink of a battle. She draws the wand from her robe, silent.

Listen:

The man is breathing heavily, standing up, unbalanced and disoriented. His head buzzes and his eyes swim. He nearly falls, but grasps the bed before he does. He looks around. On the bedside table…

There!

His arms find their way to the table and grab the piece of metal with two glass circles. He puts them on slowly, like remembering something old and dear.

Listen:

Her footsteps barely make a sound as her bare feet make their way to the staircase.

His legs move, one forward, then the other. He walks like a baby, staggering, soon gaining balance and ease.

He reaches the top of the stairs.

She looks up.

His eyes meet hers.

Listen:

You can hear the flood of recollection crashing and thrashing in the man's mind.

You can hear the buzz of unspoken words on her lips.

She is the first to utter a sound.

"James?"

SSS

James sipped the steaming coffee, relishing it as it went down his throat, warming his body.

Seven months.

Good God, was it true? Seven months of wandering, lost and dazed country side after country side after country side? And then the desert…

He shook his head. He was home now. The food had done him well, delicious as it ever was. Lily had always been a good cook.

He stole a glance. She was looking out the window, her profile much the same, if less austere than it was before. She hadn't changed much, though there was a sense of uneasiness about her.

He didn't want to ask if she missed him. That would be stupid, rash and overemotional. And he wasn't sure if he wanted to find out the answer to that question either.

There wasn't much light in the kitchen; Lily hadn't bothered to light the lamps and James wasn't too keen on the prospect of bright, white light. The lonely gloom was perfect for both of them.

The silence between them wasn't awkward or uneasy. It was almost comfortable, almost perfect.

"_Don't expect me back."_

James shifted uneasily in his seat. What was he doing here, anyways? Lily certainly didn't want him around. He stole another look at her. Her folded arms, the biting of her lips, the calm way she held her body…it was quite obvious he was not welcome.

Home and Lily were the only thoughts that ran through his mind as he had dazedly Apparated throughout the world and trudged through jungles and forests. Home: the place where he could crawl into bed and forget everything. Lily—no, the words Lily had said (or was it Lily? He wasn't sure) before he'd told her he was off to war. She wanted to make things right and he hadn't paid attention.

James bowed his head and gulped the remainder of the coffee down, desperately longing for a swig of firewhiskey.

Guilty, guilty, guilty…he'd heard the words and tossed them aside. No wonder Lily had raged at him…_I was such an asshole. _

He wanted to apologize to her, but the words were glued to his throat and refused to come out. Was it pride? Or fear that she would reject him and send him running out of the house? Once upon it time it would have been former, but now…he knew he didn't deserve retribution, but he was afraid nonetheless.

Slowly, he got up wrapping the cloak Lily had given him tighter to himself. Lily turned to face him.

"Well, I'll just be…er, going then…"

"What?"

"Um, don't worry, I think all my stuff's packed away in the closet…"

"What are you talking about?"

James felt his face warm up with embarrassment and humiliation. This was it. He was the one who deserved to lose in this very strange game of marriage. So he was going to do it with grace and get it over as quickly as possible.

"James, what are you talking about?" Her face looked worried.

"Well…leaving…"

Her emerald eyes grew wide.

"No!" she said quickly. Then, in a more hesitant voice, she asked, "Why?"

James paused. Why? Was she really asking him that? Why was _she_ being hesitant?

His face flushed again. "Er, well…I…you…"

Then the awkward silence came. Lily bit her lip and sighed, slipping into the chair in front of James. "James, sit down," she said quietly, sounding tired beyond reason.

He sat down, anxious. What was happening? _Ah, the marriage contract. Of course. _It was the only reason they'd stayed together; what other reason would Lily try to stop him from leaving?

"Look, about the contract: we can probably forget it. Our dead fathers won't come after us or anything," said James, relieved, back into familiar territory.

Lily looked up, confused. Comprehension dawned and she shook her head, her eyes not meeting his. "It's not about that."

Confusion again. James asked, "What then?"

Lily put her head down on the table, arms folded around her head. It looked as though she was crying, but not significantly so. James was lost. He moved closer to her, cautiously, still not knowing what the hell was happening.

A muffled statement emitted from the slouching figure. James asked her to repeat it.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

There was a pause.

"Lots of things."

She lifted her head and looked at him. She hadn't been crying, but her face was dismal all the same. She was expecting a response.

James slid into a chair next to her. "Really?"

She nodded wordlessly, still hesitant.

James looked down at the table, amazed yet his heart pulled at him, nonetheless.

"You don't have to apologize, Lily. It's my fault. I should have been a better person, not just a better husband, to you. I should have made an effort—" he began, but was cut off sharply by Lily.

"No, James, don't say that," her voice was stronger now and she looked at him fiercely, "Remember on our honeymoon? You were so nice, and you gave a _necklace_, something I didn't deserve after all that—"

"But Lily! What about the day I left? You tried to make things right and not only did I ignore them, but I chose that time to say I was off to war and I—"

He paused, realizing they were arguing. He sighed. "Let's not fight, Lily. I'm done with fighting."

"Our prides always got the best of us," murmured Lily.

Then: "Can you stay, James?"

She looked at him with her piercing emerald eyes, saying those simple words but meaning so much more, communicating the way people who have known each other for years can.

He stared back at her with his hazel eyes, understanding. He would've smiled, but that would have been out of place.

"Yeah, I think I will."

She awkwardly placed her head on his shoulders, but when James pulled her closer, she wrapped her arms around his neck and sighed. They held each other tight.

In another room, the clock quietly chimed one o'clock.

SSS

Is there more, is there more, is there more? I dunno. Possibly. Depends.

REVIEWSREVIEWSREVIEWS!!!!!


End file.
